Thursday, January 1, 2015


Today has been the second time where I regret opening my eyes.
You see, I took a few moments,probably seconds, of being in solitude, ignoring all of the outside world, and looking inside. An immensity of thoughts, feelings,  and questions rushed by randomly and purposely accompanied with peace. All came to end as I, regretfully,opened my eyes. Too many distractions: colours, shapes, surfaces, objects with definite purposes.
The world inside seemed much simpler. And it's not as one would try to imagine; no people, no shapes, no objects. In fact, the only thing I see is what I see with closed eyes; the colour black. There is nothing in there, only a stream of consciousness without an actual image of a's beautiful.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Life is

Life's too short to finish the 735 things on my to do list, too short to reach enlightenment by meditation, too short to become in peace  with myself, to hang out with friends all the time,to read every book that was suggested to me by a friend, to learn about all the religions of the world , to study philosophy, to become rich and powerful and change the world by that power, to watch every documentary on national geographic and vice news and to learn Latin, French, and Italian.
Obviously, it's impossible to do all these things in one day, which is why I run away and hide under my blanket raging a webtoon.
I've fallen a victim to procrastination, and I've lingered in my comfort zone for so long that anything else would be considered of anguish and hardship.
But may be, just may be, I'm looking at"life" differently. I am talking about "life" but I'm probably thinking of "today".
Perhaps If I prioritize my goals I'd be able to achieve at least one of them.... And that would mean the work to me, I'd feel productive and would value myself some my time, and above all, I'd be happy.
After, all you need is a willing heart.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

How Ghandi impacted my life

A few years ago I read Ghandi's autobiography without finishing it. And now, as I started to read it again from the beginning, I realized how much his words influenced me without knowing the total effect. It supported certain ideas the one that comes to mind is how unnecessary  sometimes is  to use any method of transport,be it public or not, as it can be substituted by walking.

His short-mentioned encounter with Nariyan Hemchandra also became a base for not caring about my looks as much.

He got me back in touch with spirituality and now I'm planning on reading Tolstoy's  "the kingdom of heaven is within you"

Looking back,I now know how many times I tried to implement Satiyagraha, non-violence, into my life.z however I doubt I was successful; I still lose myelf when I'm angry and I still am accused of being aggressive whenever I become excited in any discussion. I should add that I'm not angry in those discussions, I'm actually toi passionate in attempting to explain myself ,my thoughts and my point of view to the person in front of me that I seem emotionally unchecked.
And as much as I find it spiritually levitating I don't think it's possible to apply it in real life. To me Ghandi was lucky, if we applied this in Iraq, most of us would get killed by people of the same country. Besides, what's going on in Iraq now was an eye opener, of all the Iraqis believed in non-violence, which is more fictional than a centaur,Iraq would be wiped away by ISIS.

All in all it's been a great experience as it's the forest biography I read and undoubtly I'll read more insha-Allah.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

I refuse to be happy

One of the things that always makes me happy, is to learn something new.

I remember when I was at my tutor's place as I learned the words "home" and "house" and how befuddled it made me wanting to know the difference between the two words.
Today, I finally lived the difference. I was "home". and as happy as this sounds, this "home" had the vibrating air of laughter, sighs, and weeping in a single hour.
This lesson I now live was for a heavy price. I sincerely wish not learning it if I was aware of the circumstances necessary for it.

And today I refuse to be happy. A few minutes earlier, my body, my spirit seem to reject the smile and responded with a short episode of sobbing.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

What i became

My mind has become poisoned with tv shows and music.all thoughts of individuality have been drowned, all the time of contemplating has been consumed.
I have been making many mistakes,i have become what i always hated; lazy.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Fictional Melancholy

It took me a dead laptop all through spring vacation to start reading a novel.
This time it's "sweet tooth" by Ian McEwan.
I had many things to watch on my laptop. My most anticipated plan was to watch a favourite movie of mine  once daily.most of those,like "sweet tooth", are tragic.
I do like drama in that kind of way,in fact I feel a little happy when feeling a little sad....that kind of sad.
However I watching an video report about Mohammed christie,a strong willed young man from Egypt who was recently assassinated;I couldn't go on,I had to change the channel.
I thought I liked the saddness in why I read and viewed on the movies because they reflected reality.but I couldn't handle reality.
Though I'm 23 years old I learned from "turtles can fly" that I haven't matured yet. In after almost 2 years inshaaAllah I will; after graduating from med school and get a smack from reality during my rounds.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

One of the worst things that happened to me is thinking I'm a good guy.
Because you see,I'd live in denial of the wrong things I've done since "I'm such a nice guy".
No, people should see their bad side.Truth isn't always pretty.